Sorry I have not been posting anything recently, I’m down with flu (not the piggy one thankfully). I’ve had to cancel all my weekend plans and replace them with YouTube playlists in bed :( I have been kept busy reading your posts though - it’s great waking up to all the stuff posted overnight (all thanks to time zone differences!). With any help, I’ll be back on my feet again next week.

It dawned on me this morning that all the while I have been asking Jesus for help on a certain tricky situation I was actually being comsumed by it. Yes, I automatically turned to Him for help and asked the usual “what is going on?”, “what should I do?” and my personal favourite “is this what you want?” but I was still asking Him to lend me a hand in solving this problem instead of replacing it with Him.

Here, is this oncoming block on the road getting closer and closer and I had placed Jesus on the side of it and calling out to him to tell me which direction to go. This morning I placed him back on the road so he could remove the blocks and lead the way from in front - not from the side.

I’m sorry that I forgot about you. I trust you again and I’m obeying - I put my future in your hands.

When I first started working in London I was in awe of the city. Fresh out of university and just turned 21, I was let loose in one of the most interesting and alluring places in the world. I wanted to learn everything about how it worked, every part of the business, everything that came within an earshot of me needed to be investigated, explored and mastered. I was trying so desperately to prove myself, and to earn the approval of those who I respected immensely… It was hard work. I would slave away till the early hours of the morning every day, if I wasn’t at the office I would be doing something related to my field of work else where. I sacrificed everything else and became a slave to it.

When things were going well I would be sailing, I felt invincible. “There is nothing I can’t accomplish” I would say to myself. Challenges were fun, they were not things to be afraid of. I relished every opportunity to overcome barriers that stopped others. I saw it as an opportunity to stand out. I was proud.

But then, when things didn’t go so well, it went terribly sour. When the magic wore off I was left with a very troubled mind that only wanted respect and acknowledgement. I was so hungry at times I felt like I was going to die from starvation. I knew I was completely dependent on the worlds view of me to survive. My happiness was determined by the approval of others and when that failed me I threw away my time, money and integrity to things that I am now ashamed of. I knew this had to stop.

When I turned back to God almost 6 years later I finally got fed. My thirst was finally quenched and for the first time in a long time, I let go of all my needs and wishes. Life plans, years in the making, flew away from me and I was left alone finally, just me and God.

There is now nothing holding me back. I feel like I’m standing on a mountain looking back down on my life. From here the perspective is different. There’s no noise. No distraction. There is no need. With His help I was able to climb my way up here and although I’m not at the top yet, I feel I can pause and take a few deep breaths…the summit awaits me. I know that God has put something there for me. I don’t know what it is, but it will be good and it will be what I need. Do I regret the path I took? Yes. Do I want to take it back? No. As ugly as it was, it’s brought me here. There was a time I had to deal with it myself, but now He takes care of it for me.

All I have to do next is take a few more deep breaths, maintain focus, and keep climbing.

My friend took this at the market this weekend - we are having lousy coffee & greasy bacon sarnies and this is something we desperately need to learn from our more sophisticated European neighbours - how to make a proper coffee!

Ok, I closed my laptop down and was praying to God my usual ongoing things and some special things of today. I was then thanking Him for something that happened last night - I was digging up some stuff and it really got to me and broke down my defenses. I was in quite an uncontrollable state to be honest, and basically cried out inside for him to take it all away - every shred of darkness and pain and amazingly…everything became calm all of a sudden. It just stopped.

I opened my eyes and looked around the dark like - “What on earth just happened…?”

I wiped my eyes, I searched around inside and I couldn’t feel a thing. He had literally wrenched it out of my body, in one go - quickly and completely. Not an ounce of anything painful left over.

As I was praying tonight and thanking Him for that, I had a lovely image of Jesus calming the storm and I realised that was exactly what he did the other night. 

As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed).

But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water. Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”.

When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

- Mark 4:35-41 

Email is the new snail mail.

paul@fishforpeople.net

I get the impression I should implement formspring…but until I do, this will have to suffice - sorry!

There will be many who say that feeling the presence of God is a delusion. All the feelings, all the convictions of the existence of a higher being, a personal God, is merely a fabrication of the mind to cope with some psychological need - or to put it another way, people who believe in God are weak, vulnerable and therefore susceptable to believing in a saviour, a friend, one who redeems and forgives because it is an attractive solution to feeling better about oneself.

It is a means of finding identity, a sense of belonging. It is the result of being brainwashed so you disengage the rational part of the mind and let others do the thinking for you. It is the safe option. It is for a sense of security. It is basically something that is not for those who have life figured out and are doing well - “I’m strong enough and intelligent enough to cope with life, therefore I don’t need to lean on the idea of a God to get through my day to day”.

I know that this is what a lot of people are thinking today. In fact, I know that if anyone who reads this and knows me, will probably think I have lost the plot altogether or have had such a terrible emotional break down that I’m unable to think straight. Let me try to explain.

Imagine you see the doctor one day. The doctor tells you that because of the bad lifestyle habits that you’ve developed over the years, you are now terminally ill and going to die.

Now imagine the doctor saying that you are however entitled to a treatment, and although it may not be easy as it will require from you many changes in your thinking, it will most definitely save you and it is also free.

The thing is…you feel absolutely fine. There is not a single thing in your body that tells you that your life is at risk.

So there are 3 possible reactions to this news:

1) You don’t believe him, you feel fine and therefore he is wrong. In fact, you are somewhat offended by his criticism of your lifestyle, as far as you are concerned it is normal. You live life by your own observations and make your own assessments because you are a smart person. You ignore what he says and go on living your life because you know yourself better than anyone else

2) You do believe him (he is after all a doctor), but you would rather live “sick” at risk of death because you don’t want to endure painful treatment or change your lifestyle - you live as you want, no matter how short and finite a life it will end up being.

3) You believe him and follow his advice so you have a chance of saving your life. It will disrupt your lifestyle as you have to put aside your old self and take on a new identity - in fact, you may lose some of your friends but you know in the long run it is the sensible thing to do and you put your trust in the doctor.

Let’s consider each of these:

1) You don’t believe him because you feel fine. Smart people, really smart people, know that there are many things in life that are simply beyond our knowledge and comprehension, and even if we have a good idea about something (like a theory that gains mainstream popularity) we can not be sure if it will be proven. For this reason, living life believing in only what is observed, tested and validated is a very limiting way of living life indeed. There may be others who know much more than you and it will therefore require faith to take their word on what they say is truth.

2) You do believe him but you would rather continue life as it is. This response is driven by the uncomfortable fear of the unknown. It is the avoidance of pain. Let’s face it, not a lot of us like visiting our doctors, they are only there to deal with people who are sick which means if you are engaging with one, it could be bad news. Some people go through their whole lives avoiding the doctor even at times they know they are ill. We would rather not have the inconvenience of acknowledging it and just live with our own debilitating ailments just to maintain our own lifestyle. This is an emotional response.

3) You do believe him and follow his advice so you have a chance of saving your life. As a clear minded, rationally thinking individual you could do worse than responding in this way. You are a smart person, yet humble enough to know that there are some things that are just simply beyond your knowledge and ability. But you have faith in the doctor, you believe in what he says and you trust that he has your best interest at heart. You are not afraid of making some changes in your thinking to achieve what you would otherwise not be able to accomplish by yourself.

For me, I know which response I would take. I am not a doctor, therefore I can not heal myself. Even if the doctor explained the science of everything related to the illness it will not be a guarantee that I will understand it, nor know what to do with it.

Do I even need to understand it? Not really. I know it has saved countless others and they are living happy fullfilling lives. I only need to accept the fact that he wants to help and let him get on with it, listening carefully to his advice moving forwards. This would be a smart move given what is at risk.

So does having faith in the doctor mean I am weak & vulnerable? No. Does following the doctors advice mean I am disengaging the rational part of my mind? No. In fact, quite the opposite - it takes clear, rational thinking to understand and accept what we do and do not know about life, and it takes great courage to face up to a challenging request. 

Leaning on Jesus to save our spiritual lives is not because we are weak, vulnerable or failing to think for ourselves. Christians in essence have had the wisdom to go to Him and hear what He has to say. We have considered it, believe in it and trust it. This is called faith. Not saved by our own actions and understanding but by our acceptance of grace and healing.

Jesus responded “Healthy people don’t need a doctor - sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent”

- Luke 5:31

Note - I apologise for not having any further references, I had a lot of stuff bubble up to the surface today (yes, there will be more long posts) and have been frantically trying to type it all out. What I can tell you though is that I have read a lot of C.S. Lewis in the past and more recently Timothy Keller. This is no doubt a “poor mans” mashup of their excellent writing, so please read their books if it should interest you.

Augmented Reality

Below is the actual example so you can play around with it yourself (if you’re on your dashboard it may not appear so just visit the permalink). To make it work you’ll need to print this marker out and enable your webcam. Enjoy.

The view on my way home from work today - God is amazing isn’t he? This is one of reasons I enjoy being away from London - you don’t see rolling english countryside on the underground!

“The Reason for God” by Timothy Keller

Got five minutes? Why not send me an email!

paul@fishforpeople.net

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers - Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew - throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!”. And they left their nets at once and followed him.

- Matthew 4:18-19

In this story, Jesus was asking the fishermen to leave their profession behind and persue a life with him, reaching out to people with the message Jesus had to bring.

Being professional fishermen, Peter and Andrew would have had many admirable characteristics and skills. Fishing was a very competitive industry back in the day and to be successful required a lot of patience, plenty of hard work, personal sacrifice, a good understanding of the nature of fish (combined with local knowledge of the sea), good judgement of a good catch (or not), and a general sensitivity to the environment.

Jesus knew these men, and had a purpose for their abilities and talents. I read this story a while ago and began thinking about my own interests, the things I have a passion for and the things I have found easier excelling at, than others, through my life. I’m not sure what triggered it, but a fog cleared before me and I began to see the potential of being creative with God centred in my heart & mind.

God has a plan, a purpose for everyone on this planet and it is no coincidence that you have certain characteristics, abilities and passions in life. They too, were also planned…

My name’s Paul. I live in the United Kingdom (Great Britain) and work for Google as a Creative Consultant. I look forward to meeting you.